Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”. (via boxinafox)Īfter a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!?”. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.Ī: Because they taste funny! (via ) “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” (via Losthunter)ĭyslexic man walks into a bra. The first guy orders another shot of tequila. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. Except at a funeral.Ī guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. I very seriously told the crowd, “I’m pro guns because I enjoy living in a world with only 4 Nirvana albums.” My friend was the only one who laughed. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro guns and he gave me the basic ‘personal protection liberty 2nd amendment’ hooplah. I once asked the crowd if they were pro guns and the majority belted out in approval. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Then she’d say “I can’t remember”… and start to cry. She’d say “Knock knock”, we’d say “Who’s there?” Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr (via WorkForBacon) There was a face off in the corner (via Wilktacular) Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone” (via 1Dregun1) So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.īoy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” What’s blue and doesn’t fit? A dead epileptic. Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. What do you call a blonde in the freezer? (suicide, for those that are slow) (via bathroom_break) Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side… The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.” (via jimmycobwell) To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.” (via Doctor_Grimm)Ī man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”. Can orphans eat at a family restaurant? 2.Ī woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
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